A cock in the hand is worth two for a bush?

Get a hold of yourself Evan!

 

Please read the first panel before jumping into the discussion. The very last panel is merely an earlier version for comparisons sake as I was editing while posting this!

Annabelle Raven-Hyde volunteered to be one of the people turned into a she-male in a caption I was planning on making. Before I had even asked, the photo was put into the caption setting and was awaiting a story to fill it. I knew I wanted to use the picture, because Serena is quite hot and its a good pose to work into a plot line .. but wasn't planning to write until I had my target.

While I wasn't going to hit on all of her preferences, I still wanted to make it as much of a "trade caption" as I could, and I think the only thing I didn't do was the "you can make me a T-girl (please don’t show male genitalia and please use a GG model)" but that (1) really couldn't be helped because of the picture choice I had already made, and (2) its not like she's cradling some sort of fire hose like some futa drawing. I won't post it to her trading folder unless she gives me permission, as I don't want others to necessarily see it there and then think that its alright under normal circumstances to ignore that big exclusion in her preferences.

This is one of those few times where I actually had TOO MUCH to work with and needed to really practice brevity. I type right into the captions themselves, as it usually is a good guide to how much I need to place in them, but I was going WAY over the allotted space, and I wasn't even close to being done. The main problem was that I wanted Evan to have enough exposition to explain what was going on, but I also needed Deidre to give a typical evil-scientist monologue. (I'm actually doing some last minute editing as I type this, so I can hopefully balance both sides more evenly.) I finally determined that I could say what I needed to with a 66/33 percent split between what Deidre says and Evan's response. Even the text in condensed in size and density compared to what I usually use.

In looking at most of Annabelle's captions, she really enjoys working with a family dynamic, and there is usually some sort of willing character that brings others into the fold. Its that nature that gave me the whole storyline, albeit in a roundabout and more diabolical way. Because of that, I do think that I have complied with most of the demands of her preferences and that I think she'll enjoy this caption in the spirit of creativity and stretching ones boundaries occasionally. And somehow, as fucked up as it may be, it truly *IS* a happy ending for all parties involved!

I mentioned it in the last post, but I really am proud of this caption, and it probably shows in this blog post. I don't recall this plot line happening too often, and I've read a metric shit ton of stories on Fictionmania and viewed thousands of captions on the Haven and on other websites.

The version below is the working copy I had uploaded last night as a temporary draft, in case work was dull and boring and I had a chance to write up the body of this post. As luck would have it, I didn't have any real spare time (for a few minutes, I chatted with Rachel about the 49er's loss and made sure she was feeling ok) and because of that, I got the desire to refine the body of the text while at home. For the people here that haven't done many captions, THIS is what we refer to when we talk about tightening up the captions, and figuring out what words work best, what can stay, what needs to go .. and how to make sure the words flow the best they can. I added a sentence or two, but mostly it was tweaking lines for maximum impact, removing repeated words, and breaking out the thesaurus!

I hope you enjoyed this caption breakdown. I don't often post brand new captions that were finished right before I post here, so I had more on my mind than usual, and so perhaps less structured, but hopefully more informative in a "in the moment" fashion.

I'm not sure if it will end up on the Haven, so for now, its a blog exclusive. Because of that, I would certainly like to see comments directly about the caption itself, along with anything that people would like to discuss about the procedure of how it was made and why I went with the final decisions that I ended up making. Also, I am not fond of the title. I definitely will take suggestions for what to call it ... especially if it ends up being posted in Annabelle's Haven Trading folder.

My Dad is a rocker, through and through. My mom wasn't, though she was quite fond of Blondie and REM. My mom actually looked like Blondie does in this video when I was young ... very stylish and very blonde! Remember everyone .. dreaming is free!