The Memories of Christmas Past ..Time Waits for No Man, or Woman

There are some ghosts that I would love to be visited with on Christmas morning.

The last Christmas caption post of 2020, and the last one I wrote up the blog post for, and was sort of dreading writing it. So I put it off until the end, which I think helped me. Definitely cathartic.

I wrote up the goofy Hanukkah caption almost a week ago, and it was having fun with the idea of what Hallmark movies had become. This one is probably what a Christmas movie SHOULD be.

The idea came to me when I was being sad, and had just come back from visiting a massive antique/used store the next state over .. one that I used to walk around with my GF, especially around the holidays. We'd pour over so many of the items there, and dream. Vivid fantasies about someday, when we would be able to afford a house, and the wondrous parties we'd hold on Christmas Eve. "That dining room table over there, could hold the roast, and next to it a large pot of your homemade mac and cheese," she'd say. "Look at those old ornaments, that could go on the tree in the library, so we could have a tree in every room!" Yes, even the bathrooms would have Christmas trees in them!

But we knew those were only dreams, but we both hung onto them anyway. We wouldn't be able to afford a house, and our family grew smaller every year. Her stepdad, then her mother. Our grandparents, and the parents of our friends we knew since we were children. College friends too. It was an exercise in wishing for things that no longer existed .. that old fashioned Christmas we grew up with.

We had adapted of course, and made new traditions of our own, with the frantic running around, between where we lived, and where her family was from; balancing our jobs, and those of our daughter and our best friends, and we cherished those moments of cheer .. but we still hoped to recreate the magical moments that warmed our hearts from the past. And we never got to do it the way we wanted.

And now, I've lost a few more people this year, more than a few actually, and that includes the love of my life. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, even more so than my mother back when I was much younger. But in a way, I prepared myself a bit with what I posted a year ago here on the blog:

I hope that this post finds you, your family and friends .. all blessed with good tidings and joy on this day that carries so many emotions with it, both good and bad. I just wanted to let you know that you CAN feel like this isn't the most wonderful time of the year. Don't feel guilty for doing so, if that is where your mind is at.

Yin and Yang. Balance in the force. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have, the facts of life. Shit may seem like it's stacked against you, but you must remember that the bullfighter does NOT always win!

So please do acknowledge the things in life that make all the trials and tribulations worthwhile. It's only another week until the year refreshes itself, and tomorrow is always another day to move forward and grow towards being the best you that you can be! Reflect on all the difficulties, but honor the challenges you've faced and overcome. There isn't anything you can't do. I'm sure of it!

I don't need a magical clock to remember all those good times, but I would definitely welcome one. And I do look forward to spending future Christmas days with those who are still around to celebrate with, and share those memories with them as well. Maybe even make some new ones. Being alone makes me WANT to seek out more friendships and connections, and that is something I didn't always do. 

So, to everyone out that that has visited my humble blog in the past, I welcome you to keep coming back, and share with me the gift of life, and all the things that make it worthwhile. We need to elevate each other, and look out for everyone in our circle, and to expand that out tenfold!