Thursday, December 24, 2020

The Memories of Christmas Past ..Time Waits for No Man, or Woman

There are some ghosts that I would love to be visited with on Christmas morning.

The last Christmas caption post of 2020, and the last one I wrote up the blog post for, and was sort of dreading writing it. So I put it off until the end, which I think helped me. Definitely cathartic.

I wrote up the goofy Hanukkah caption almost a week ago, and it was having fun with the idea of what Hallmark movies had become. This one is probably what a Christmas movie SHOULD be.

The idea came to me when I was being sad, and had just come back from visiting a massive antique/used store the next state over .. one that I used to walk around with my GF, especially around the holidays. We'd pour over so many of the items there, and dream. Vivid fantasies about someday, when we would be able to afford a house, and the wondrous parties we'd hold on Christmas Eve. "That dining room table over there, could hold the roast, and next to it a large pot of your homemade mac and cheese," she'd say. "Look at those old ornaments, that could go on the tree in the library, so we could have a tree in every room!" Yes, even the bathrooms would have Christmas trees in them!

But we knew those were only dreams, but we both hung onto them anyway. We wouldn't be able to afford a house, and our family grew smaller every year. Her stepdad, then her mother. Our grandparents, and the parents of our friends we knew since we were children. College friends too. It was an exercise in wishing for things that no longer existed .. that old fashioned Christmas we grew up with.

We had adapted of course, and made new traditions of our own, with the frantic running around, between where we lived, and where her family was from; balancing our jobs, and those of our daughter and our best friends, and we cherished those moments of cheer .. but we still hoped to recreate the magical moments that warmed our hearts from the past. And we never got to do it the way we wanted.

And now, I've lost a few more people this year, more than a few actually, and that includes the love of my life. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, even more so than my mother back when I was much younger. But in a way, I prepared myself a bit with what I posted a year ago here on the blog:

I hope that this post finds you, your family and friends .. all blessed with good tidings and joy on this day that carries so many emotions with it, both good and bad. I just wanted to let you know that you CAN feel like this isn't the most wonderful time of the year. Don't feel guilty for doing so, if that is where your mind is at.

Yin and Yang. Balance in the force. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have, the facts of life. Shit may seem like it's stacked against you, but you must remember that the bullfighter does NOT always win!

So please do acknowledge the things in life that make all the trials and tribulations worthwhile. It's only another week until the year refreshes itself, and tomorrow is always another day to move forward and grow towards being the best you that you can be! Reflect on all the difficulties, but honor the challenges you've faced and overcome. There isn't anything you can't do. I'm sure of it!

I don't need a magical clock to remember all those good times, but I would definitely welcome one. And I do look forward to spending future Christmas days with those who are still around to celebrate with, and share those memories with them as well. Maybe even make some new ones. Being alone makes me WANT to seek out more friendships and connections, and that is something I didn't always do. 

So, to everyone out that that has visited my humble blog in the past, I welcome you to keep coming back, and share with me the gift of life, and all the things that make it worthwhile. We need to elevate each other, and look out for everyone in our circle, and to expand that out tenfold!


  1. Catharsis is good, and it is well to be alone in person, but we will always be with you, annoying as we may be. (^^) ...but Aristotle also stated that 'happiness is virtue, but that it is virtuous activity' which most defines a life. Your songs and your captions bring joy to so many readers that you couldn't even count 'em. Amongst those readers, there is me, one of your biggest fans. Happy holidays, gingerbread-honey-sweetheart. ;)

    1. Thank you Karen! Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!

  2. If I could give you an hour for you to have this joy I matter the cost....
    For someone like you who gives happiness (and sometimes sexy tingles) to so many, for free, you deserve all the happiness the world can offer!!!
    I don't think either of us really identifies as Christians but you are doing more Christian work than you know...
    Going back to my comment on your last spend your time to give joy to others while expecting nothing in return....isn't that the definition of Christianity?
    How many lonely souls were given a smile by your work...probably more than you are one of the bright lights in a dark world and that's why so many of us love you!!!
    Be happy...
    Be well...
    Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas...
    Kisses and hugs

    1. Thank you Kaaren, and I know that you are sincere in your wish. That is what makes it special and dear to me.

      The GF was Wiccan, and yet, Christmas was just THE HOLIDAY for her, and that Christians co-opted it, but she was taking it back! She loved decorating the tree, the songs, visiting friends and giving them thoughtful gifts, intricately wrapped and the gather around a table to eat. Everything but the whole Jesus stuff!

      So, that is why I wrote the caption, to try to capture that joy and distill it, and make it overcome the inherent sadness that can come from viewing those times in the rear view mirror.

      And thank you for the kind words directed towards me. My forever person made me who I am today. She pretty much domesticated me, and I'll all the better for that!

      Merry Christmas Kaaren!

  3. I would like to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas.
    "Kaaren" may not be religious but I am and always have been, and I'll be praying for you today.
    Wishing you a Happy Christmas, and all the joy that Christmas can bring!
    Like Kaaren said,
    Have a Merry Little Christmas
    With love from ours to yours
    Mrs. K

    1. Thank you so much, Mrs. K! I'll take the prayers and anything else that can come my way.

      Merry Christmas to you, and keep an eye on that sissy of yours! She's something special, but you knew that already!

  4. I'm not crying, you're crying. :(

    Okay, so I was crying with the first line of the caption, but I think it's a beautiful work of cathartic healing. Well done, and kudos to you for having the courage and the strength to capture all of those memories and emotions. If I could get my hands on such a clock, I'd find a way to bring it to you personally, COVID and closed borders be damned.

    So much love, Dee, and heartfelt hopes for a better new year.

    1. Thanks Sally! I was hoping that it might connect with some people, and maybe show that we can struggle, but still ultimately survive.

      And I know you'd let me at least borrow the clock. Love you too Sally!