Saturday, November 18, 2017

This Ain't a Scene, It's a God-Damn Arms Race! I'm Not Okay .. I Promise!

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock.

Hmmm, who's in a big Emo mood right now? This lil' Mentia girl is, that's who! Been jamming away listening to lots of My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and Paramore too!

I SOOOOO would have been this if I had only been born a bit differently. I mean, my eyes (and lashes) were meant for dark eyeliner! Anyway, one of MCR's best songs was reinterpreted here to be more of an anthem for the TG community. At least that is how I read it. When I looked for the image to go with the idea, I came across this photo, and I fell in love with what I would've loved to see in the mirror. She also had the facial mood I was looking for and bonus, ENVY is right on her shirt. Ding, ding, DING! BINGO! Let's write that right into the 'story' at it were. I wasn't sure if there if it would work the way I wanted with just the lyrics, so I figured an introductory paragraph would suffice, and guide the reader through the lyrics the way I wanted them to see them.

Is he talking to someone else? Or is he talking to himself? It can go either way honestly, and I liked the ambiguity of it all. Also, the placement of the picture isn't clear either. Is it the resolution to the song and with a change for the better? Is it some regret at the decision to be the girl he wanted to be? Is it that there is much work to be done on his psyche and 'soul' even now after he feels more comfortable with who he now is? Or even is he worried about what is next, now that the outside matches how he is on the inside?

This ended up being much deeper and thoughtful for what was originally going to be a quickie posted for a slow day like a Saturday night. But I know that feelings that many of my TG friends have gone through ended up bleeding there way into this caption, and I wanted to acknowledge it .. so why not talk about it some here on a blog where it belongs.

That being said, what do you take out of it? I'm not really sure there is a right answer, or a wrong one to be found. Just would be interested to see what others thought and if it fits how their gender identity trials and tribulations have taken them. Everyone has apprehensions and fears about fitting in and how uncomfortable they can feel when the mind and the body clash. Feel free to comment below.

And, in case you were wondering, I'm relatively okay. Thanks for asking!


  1. Your blog is sometimes like laying on the psychoanalyst's couch.
    I guess i did have a fem self image, was all quite conventional really. There may have been a sweet spot in my late teen years i could have pulled it off. But then i got taller, broader and stubbly. So i went the self loathing route.
    What ya think Doctor D? Keep taking the tablets?