I will be sort of around for the next couple days, before I have to attend the funeral of my long-term girlfriend of 2 years. This has gutted me like you wouldn't believe, as I had lost the light fo my life a little less than 6 years ago, right before Covid started.
This was supposed to be an incredible Valentine's Day long weekend, where we were also going to celebrate her getting hired for a new job, which was an opportunity for better hours (she was .. redacted). We had stepped up our relationship, and it was going sooooooo well. Scarily well, which always freaked me out .. but she was another person that I could have seen myself grow old with.
I knew that something was wrong that morning, as I she hadn't replied back to my morning text, which she usually did within 30 minutes, even with a client. A number of texts and phone calls followed, but no answer. I had hoped that either .. she was a ditz and left her phone at home (not likely but she .. was sort of a ditz due to some health issues) or had went to the hospital and was being stabilized but not responsive with the phone at that moment. The next morning .. I called again, and her son answered and told me the horrible news.
So I spent Valentine's Day with her ex-husband and one of her teenage kids, as I went to view the body. This is NOT the spookiness and goth nature that I enjoy at all. the one thing I am consoled with is that she seemed to have gone peacefully, which is something my forever person (I guess I'm going to have to get used to having TWO forever person's as I gave them the best that I could, and loved them until they drew their last breath, and then some!) had also went peacefully.
I like to think that the one that glowed brightly for 20 years with me .. prepared me, and made me a better man .. for the one I now will see interred this week. She was another "damaged" woman, but I loved her .. and she helped me heal as well. Now I'm back to a thousand shattered pieces.
As I wrote back in 2020:
Please hug the shit out of your significant other, best friends, family members, etc .. Tell them you love them and how much you'll miss them when they aren't around. That you are thinking about them/ Please do that so that I will make sure that everyone knows how much they are loved, even when it doesn't seem like it.
I am fucking devastated right now. Thank you all for your support in the past, and I am certainly going to need it going forward. Love you all!
Oh my gosh Dee! I’m so sorry. You must be devastated. I wish there was anything I could do, but I know from personal experience that there really isn’t anything. Take some time, spend it with your “family”, whoever that may be. When you are ready to come back here we will be here to enjoy your art and support you in whatever way we can. Please know that in whatever limited way that this forum supports, I think of you as a friend and if there is anything I can do, please let me know.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It does mean a lot, and when this first happened in 2020, people like S!ssy Kaaren and his wife did much consoling with me. When Kaaren passed a few years later, it definitely felt like I had lost a really good friend.
DeleteI am so sorry. End of the month is a year since I lost my best friend. Family didn't even tell me. Another old friend is MIA for almost a month, and I am dreading the worst. She lost her wife late last year and was in a rehab facility after breaking her own hip. Been checking the obits. I'll wish you my best as I do for my friend.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your losses. I hate when real life has to intrude on the fantasy land we have here .. but I couldn't not post about it when it has an impact on what I do and when I do it.
DeleteOh gosh Dee, I am so sorry you have to go through that. It is a terrible experience. I'll be thinking of you and her family the next time I am at church.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aidan.
DeleteSo sorry to hear this Dee. A horrible thing to have happened again *Hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks for the hugs! I will take ALL I can get!
DeleteMy deepest condolences to you Dee for your loss. May you always have fond and loving memories of your girlfriend and may her memory always be for a blessing. Zoe
ReplyDeleteThank you Zoe!
DeleteI'm So sorry for your loss Dee. I haven't lost my love of my life, but she almost died at one time and I will never forget that time and the feeling that I had as I watched her slipping away. Luckily She did recover. Now If I get mad or upset with something that she has done or said I just think of that time I almost lost her. It still does not compare with losing. I wish you strength to be able to get through this time. I wish you good memories of the time that you spent together. I wish you an open heart to be able to be able to love someone else again. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you didn't lose her, and that it gave you a sense of perspective of what really matters.
DeleteSorry for your loss, Dee.
ReplyDeleteThanks Alita! And anyone who likes Celtic Frost is alright in my book! Hell, I even though Cold Lake was ok!
DeleteOMG, Dee, not again. I have no words, nothing I can say that would make up for the grief and the loss. I am so sorry. Our hearts are with you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sally. Miss you. Hope all is well with you and your Mistress Wife, and that you are living your absolute best life!
DeleteDee, I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through so I won’t try to say anything like “I understand.” Because I can’t. I can only sympathize instead of empathize.
ReplyDeleteIt’s times like this that I truly hate being an ‘internet person’. I want to be there for you. Words on a screen can’t possibly convey how much I want to comfort you. And that’s probably best done by just being there with you. Letting you know that you loved, that she loved you, that you are still loved by those around you. The best I can do is send you a big warm loving hug through these fiberoptic lines. I hope you can feel it. I hope you can keep it in your pocket and pull it out when you need it because it will always be there for you.
I also want to say I’m sorry for coming so late to this post. It’s no excuse, but my own life has been upside down lately and while I feel bad for other people’s problems like this, it truly hurts me to see my friends go through it. It’s an issue with me that I couldn’t deal with your loss while trying to get my own life back on the tracks. Just know that while I wasn’t here to say these things, I had you in my thoughts ever since I heard about your loss. I kept you in my heart and waited until I could give you more than just a “I’m sorry” response.
Thank you Caitlyn! I can definitely feel the empathy in your words. I hope that your life gets back to where it should be, and even more so, where you need it to be, and where it deserves to be!
DeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your loved one. I had not checked this site for a while and then I find this news. I hope you will take care of yourself and do what you need to recover from this loss. Lacysliplover.
ReplyDelete