Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Pea gets to celebrate!

It has been a sad 24 hours or so since I found out that Petra will be resigning her admin position at the Haven and wandering off into the sunset. Its totally on her terms, as she's found a sweetheart of a gal that is moving in with her next week after almost a year of long distance dating. You can find the post HERE if you want to read the whole thing and are a member of the Haven.

It does make me sad BUT it also makes me really happy, as I often hear so many real-life TG stories that don't end particularly well. She's just not going to have the time to fulfill her duties AND she doesn't want to keep any secrets from her new love. As per her post:
This is by no means a decision I am making where I'm choosing to suppress any of my desires or feelings or as a means to hide anything. I've just come to a point in my life where this reality of me being Petra is no longer something that I want to pursue with vigor.
I don't think she made any secret of the fact that she was here to have fun and play with some friends. I mean the fact that her screen name was "PLAYIN PETRA" was probably a dead giveaway. That she isn't haunted by feelings that she isn't in the right body to match her mind or anything like that does make me glad that she can walk away and feel charmed to have known us.

It doesn't hurt any less though to know that I won't have her around that much anymore. However, knowing that she is at an incredible new chapter in her life gives me much joy. AARRGGHH, once again I'm in that happy/sad crying mood again. I am not sure how the hell women can put themselves through this?!? Yes, Dee is in "fried green tomatoes" mode!

TG sites come and go. Only a few really have a lifespan longer than a year or two. The fact that some even spawn communities is amazing. I guess what gets me is that many people that I considered contemporaries are starting to vanish into the ether, and are now compiled in the Haven archives, "banished" to the inactive trading folders, or disappear forever (like when Geocities finally collapsed) with only a faded memory.

I love the fact that there is always new blood making captions. Its what keeps things interesting and evolving. I dread that we are such a "anonymous" type collective that people can appear, make some part of an impact, then vanish without most people knowing the back story at all. If you were there, you know and remember, but otherwise its quite fleeting. With this situation, its nice that we have a chance to mention to her how much she's meant to us.

Others like Wildcard barely get a thought by most people now. Jayne was an active member of the Haven a number of years ago and was impacted by one of the major hurricanes. She made some thoughtful captions, and was a good friend, though others probably felt closer to her (Simone for instance) like the way I felt about Pea. She took care of real life things and is hopefully succeeding in life with her wonderful kids. To anyone though that hasn't been around much until recently though, she's just another folder they'll never look through, not someone that was worth knowing.

Why do I mention people like Simone, Jennifer, Pea, and others so often? Because they matter, and they matter in a big way in my life. I hope these people think that I matter to them as well. When Caitlyn says that she has an infection .. I care! And when she passes her nursing exam, I will be so excited for her, even though it means less captions to look at! I am happy when Alectra passes all her exams .. and pissed off when people insult someone I consider a friend.

I am SOOO glad I'm not wearing mascara right now because I'd be totally raccoon eyed right now!

I look forward to meeting the next Petra, and the next Bimbo Jessica .. while still enjoying the Rachel, Steffie, Courtney, Bren and Martha's because they are here for me. All the people that post here .. you have enriched my life so much and I want you to know that.

This post has gone on long enough, and I didn't even really get to everything I wanted to talk about. I'm sure I've lost about half my readers by now anyway LOL

If you are a visitor who doesn't usually comment and surfs the internet looking for the latest captions ... do you belong to Rachel's Haven? There are THOUSANDS of captions there .. both in the gallery (it as a ton of yahoo and lycos group archives among others) and in the trading area. Do yourself a favor and join if you haven't yet. If you do belong, head into the trading area and just start looking through the inactive member folders. Don't ignore the captions just because their owners aren't participating in trades anymore. They are still great quality captions! Its a great way to kill a rainy day afternoon!

DISCUSSION QUESTION: Do you, the readers, mind me getting serious now and again? If so, should I mark it with a warning for those who just want to look at the pretty captions and wank away? In the past, people have wanted me to open up and let the light inside my head. This post happens to be one of those times. Feel free to talk about anything I said in the post. I will try to answer every comment for those that want a reply.


  1. It's always sad to say goodbye in one form or other to a friend, but I think that the time we spent with them is the most precious thing in the world. You can laid back one day and say eh!: I knew this person, and we have a great time together. If anything and if by any means I have to leave the Haven I would like to be remembered for what I've done and what Impact I've lent in to other's lifes. So don't feel that way of going to serious Dee

    This is truly a joyous post and it means you care, and that you won't forget your friend in the Haven :)

    Even if little I enjoyed my time with Pea, and I will not forget that ;)

    Hugs and Kisses Alectra

    1. I'm glad you see it as joyous. There were many emotions flying around my brain with many of them conflicting. I think a day or two from now I'll have a much better sense of perspective about everything.

  2. Well, ultimately this is *your* home on the net and your call. I, for one, do not mind people being 'serious'. Like you say, the community in and around TG tends toward the anonymous variety.

    I left the main online community of which I was a part in 2009/10 due to changes in my life and a realisation that I had changed to make that community less helpful. I read back tonight. I totally 'get' where you're coming from, therefore, with Petra.

    I'm 'on' the Haven, but I'm still relatively new, no way I can call myself part of that community yet - especially seeing as how I'm busy at the moment and not posting there!

    Suffice to say, I feel for you and would like to think that you feel free to post whatever the heck you want, it's your blog, and I'll end up reading because I'm a nosey-parker and you seem an interesting person to stal- I mean, follow. No, wait, that's not any better.

    I hope you have been offered hugs already by the people you know and have had time to talk to those touched by Petra properly too!

    1. The irony in all this is that most of the time, Petra was silly, goofy AND sexy all at the same time. I think I might miss that the most.

      There aren't a whole lot of people that will make a caption and add silly little twists and just do whatever the hell they want and still be able to put together a caption that most people would like to see. When I had an idea like that in mind, I could be certain that if I made it for her, it WOULD be appreciated, and the same went for her. I think that the more absurd the premise or the dialog or whatever, the more joy she took out of reading it!

      I'm glad that my overall point came across. I am still sort of at a loss for words, even after responding yesterday afternoon to her initial post in the admin section AND me posting here. I even set her a PM about 30 minutes ago saying that it'd probably take me months to get a sense of perspective on things enough to say what an impact she has had on me, and probably me on her.

      I'm so glad that you enjoy reading what I post. You happened to be my 1,000 comment here on my blog about a week ago. Thank you so much for enriching the discussions around here! I always feel less insane when people actually reply to what I've typed. It gives the voices in my head some time to take a nap!

  3. This post makes me cry because it makes me think of some wonderful people who have vanished over the years, many without a word of reason why. Because it's such an anonymous community many don't find connections. I'm thankful I'm able to say goodbye to Pea because she's been a lovely girl and a strong presence of the community.

    However, her exit reminds me of some really close people I knew via Rachel's Haven. So be as serious as you need to be - I honestly think your blog and commentary gives a little more substance to what many of us do around here. That might be enough. Also, You gave me a wonderful walk down memory lane. I thank you for that.

    1. Sometimes I feel like a TG historian, considering I go all the way back to the Nifty FTP site on Carnegie Mellon's server, then the Transformation mailing list set up by Thomas Hassan, which spun off the TG secption by Sapphire. Hell, I remember having chats with Bill Hart when he was CREATING Spells R Us!

      I'm glad that you got to take a walk down memory lane. I also remember worrying that you would never return to the Haven once you went to another continent! Glad to see at least ONE person came back!

    2. I remember finding places like Sapphire and early Fictionmania as well as some of the random spots around the web when Geocities was just sprouting up. I didn't know you then but it must have been interesting to see something like Spells R Us being an idea. It's become a go-to source of story inspiration for so many.

      If you ARE that TG historian, I can think of no one better to keep history going. You know it better than anyone and you CARE about the actual evolution of things. People come and go for different reasons, but if we are lucky then someone leaves a legacy of content we can all share. I know I've come a long way from reading the old Janet L Stickney stories and seeing George Martin's stories with images.

  4. I'll be brief.

    First, what this is Rachel's Haven thing? Who the heck would be crazy enough to setup something like that? Wait, on second thought, don't answer that....

    Also you should never be serious! I mean, I just look at you and I can't help but giggle (it's the boots!) so not sure how I'd keep a straight face if you got serious too often.

    1. They are YOUR boots ya know! Not sure why you think they are funny looking!

      I think your insanity is one of your strengths. For stories, there was always Fictionmania looming large, and when you started, there were still Yahoo Groups and possibly Lycos groups still going strong AND Bimbo Sanctuary to keep people busy if they wanted to see captions. Why would ANYONE want to pay for bandwith, just to spotlight stuff that other, bigger websites already had?

      I can be serious when I need to, but there is always that undercurrent of sarcasm and dark humor that comes out, even when I angry or sad. Lately here, I've been more morose on the blog than I want to be, but its often a reflection of how I'm feeling at the time.

      And what's with that lock on your shoe closet, eh? Making it so I can't return the boots I have stol .. umm borrowed so I can get more?

  5. Dee, I feel you on the happy/sad crying mood. I heard about this from Jennifer just before I called it a night, but it didn't really sink in. Now this morning I keep swinging about like a pendulum. I'm every so happy for Petra, and yet I am ever so sad.

    I think there are several reasons for these powerful emotions. You mention plenty of people that have left the scene... but I either didn't know them or wasn't close to them. Sure, some people that I've known have left us and I know that it's the nature of our group but it hasn't happened to someone that I willingly and fully called a friend. Just like in my real life I have a lot of 'acquaintances'. People that I know, hang out with and generally enjoy the company of. But when our ways part I'm none the worse. I then have a very small but incredibly close group of friends. When one of my friends leaves it isn't just the lack of their presence... it actually changes me. I am a different person without them in my life.

    Petra is the first person in this wonderful community whose leaving will affect me in that way. I can't exactly pinpoint WHY this is... but it is. Maybe it's simply that capping Petra was like capping myself, and therefore seeing her leave is like seeing a mirror of myself leave. I've always known that as much as I love playing as Caitlyn, that my life will continue to progress. That one day my life may change in a way that I will have to say goodbye to Caitlyn. But that feeling has been background.... something to think of for a moment and then consider what I want to have for lunch. Now... well now I have to face it.

    I think that posts like this are wonderful. And as such, you should feel free to be serious whenever you want. People can always filter through and see the captions they want... but discussions like this are more than looking at a caption and thinking "That's Hawt", they are what help us remain a community. They help us talk about caps, about friends, about community.

    1. Great thoughts as usual from you Caitlyn, and I think you touched upon a few things I wanted to talk about in my next post.

      I am doing much better today, and I don't really want to mope about too much.

      Hell, for all we know, a year from now, she could be settled down and be able to contribute to the community again, though probably not in the way that she has been the last few years. Maybe she'll sign on as a newbie with a new screen name and just read stuff. Either way, she's always welcome to drop me an email or PM!

  6. Dee, you Rock! And you made me tear up while at work. I love your thoughtful take on things and the kind words you said about me. I feel a bit embarrassed though. As much as I like being the center of attention, I hate being the center of attention too. For that reason I'm glad that you brought up others who have departed from the community we frequent. (God I miss Jessica. Talk about someone who could make a laughter out of a smile.)

    Anyway, I really do appreciate your words, both here and in the email you sent. You have made a huge impact on my life as have so many other people at the Haven.

    Thank you.

  7. Thank you Dee, I would have missed knowing Pea was starting a new journey if you hadn't posted this.....

    1. Well, I wanted to get the word out. I was sad about it a few nights ago and couldn't say anything until Petra publicly announced it. We sort of knew it was coming a few months ago, but the actual "this is my decision" part still shocked us with an "Oh shit!" moment.

      Hope all is well with you sweetie. You've had your disappearing moments as well but I try to keep up with your life through the blog, though not at work. You show way too much skin there! LOL