.. and an update on what Steffi Marie has been up to these last few years!
This was a caption I made for Steffi Marie back in 2013 for a contest she was running, She provided the picture, and I was trying to make a caption that didn't look like something I would make .. with warped text, various background layers, variant fonts, etc .. You can read the original posting HERE and it will take you almost step by step on how I made the caption, in case you wanted to know. Usually there are less steps than that nowadays, but I was making this one special so it took way more time that usual.
And that leads to the main point of this post.
I mentioned up above in the "teaser" section of the post, is that I have had a recent communication with Steffi Marie aka Britney Shagwell and probably a few other personas throughout the years online as a TG captioner. She was around from almost the very beginning of putting pictures and words together, and I believe did them WAY before I started, and that was 13 or so years ago.
Over the years, she would do what many people do, binge and purge, so to speak. She would crank out like 5-6 captions a day, then not do anything for a month. She changed personas as she evolved as a person, and certainly didn't suffer fools lightly. She could often be dramatic, but you could tell that she CARED about things, and never half-assed anything. Some would think that what I'm saying here could be considered an insult, but I bet she doesn't agree! She knew exactly who she was, and is.
About 4 years ago, she pretty much vanished, deleted her blogs and .. this time it stuck. I knew that she was having some personal problems, and that the fantasies in our community were intruding into real life, something that does often happen after some years of "dreaming" about the topics discussed in this blog and others like it.
So about a week ago, I was thinking about her and wondered if she'd respond to an email, just to let her know I was thinking about her and hoping that things are ok. I got a reply one day later, which is pretty good since she's in Europe so time-zones and all that! Here's what she had to say!
Hey Dee,All is wellOver two years since I started transitioning... Coming up on my two year coming out anniversary.I remember my time in the captioning world fondly. Especially some of the nice people I got to meet and correspond with. I no longer have any desire to read or create captions, but that's just because I am focusing on becoming the best me that I can be...It's a long, difficult road, starting as late as I did. It's not always pleasant, and certainly rife with disappointment, but I strive to maintain a positive attitude and keep hope alive.I'm not really "happy"... not yet. But I am a lot less miserable and depressed, and confident that I am finally moving in the right direction.Please pass on my greetings and happy thoughts to any of the old folks still hanging around. I do miss them, and you!/hugsSteffi
I am so pleased to read this email, and she included a recent picture .. and of course, she had BRIGHT RED ((all natural!)) HAIR! I wouldn't have expected anything else to be honest! I don't always get replies from people that have disappeared from the scene when I email them; and even if I do, they often don't contain good news by any stretch. So getting fairly good news is a big sigh of relief!
So if there is anyone out there that was a part of this community, but had to step away .. please do contact me and let me know things are OK (or not OK .. I don't mind listening!) either through the comment section, or at my email address which I will delete from here in a few days so it won't be harvested. I'm available at Dem@en@tia. Notm@eyo@u@gmail.com. Take out the unneeded @ symbols .. I am definitely trying to not have my email sucked up by every spam bot!
And those who remember her, leave a comment as well, and I'll see about sending her what you wrote here. There's no chance she's coming back to do more captions, but if you have a fond memory, let us know about it!
Dear Dee, I knew of Steffi Marie's work only as a distant admirer and by reputation (Haven, reposts and mentions and such), because I was very shy about posting in the TG community until about 2016 (probably around the time she vanished). I still smile though to see her name mentioned, because these memories of her passionate self now come filtering back in rainbow color. Steffi was so very, very charged with feeling. ^^ She was like a role model for so many in the very diverse community that is scattered around the world, so for her very kinetic leadership and thoughtful example I am surely not alone in being thankful. Thank you for emailing her, and thank you for sharing this news along with your thoughts. It is wonderful to hear that Steffi is finding her way, that she is walking her path forward in this world, and however hard the road may be, she may know that she has inspired so many of us to smile, laugh, and dream with her. That she pushes hard at every step and against all obstacles in front of her, head held high, bright red hair whipping in the wind---Steffi continues to amaze me. If you write to her again, please pass to her more than just a hug from readers like me, who missed the chance to speak with her directly; please pass her a humble note of thanks and a wish of blessedness in appreciation for who she is in this world. Bless your heart, Dee. <3
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that. I am going to try to pass along the comments left here so she won't have to visit this site. I'm hoping she'll feel great about the impact she has left in this community.
DeleteIt's always good to hear someone that vanished is doing well. Please tell her even though we don't know each other irl, I'm sooo proud of her for being so brave and taking steps toward happiness. I told myself this year I was gonna take some steps towards my own inner peace. Hopefully I can use this as a motivator for me. I'm pushing 40 and so scared to be completely rejected and also scared I'll die miserable. Thanks bunches Dee for the update and of course your wonderful caps! ��
ReplyDeleteYeah, so often we don't hear good things about the people in our community, and since we are often so scared of exposure, we don't put ourselves out for many others to get close with, and many times disappear, either as an anonymous mist in the wind, or leaving many people wondering what happened.
DeleteYou do what you need to do on your own time sweetie! There's a few people on the Haven that transitioned after they retired! And wherever you are on the spectrum of gender, you're always welcome here!
I'm so glad that Steffi-Marie is doing okay. I miss her work. I didn't want to re-introduce myself like this, but here we are.
ReplyDeleteI'm not dead.
I'm Milla-Cintia-Amy-Brooke. I don't know if anyone remembers me but I like to think I contributed something to this community. I came out to the world about 3 years ago. It hasn't been amazing. I'm 39 - I'm not young anymore. I've been beat up and lost almost all my friends, BUT I wouldn't change it. People are people even if they decide to wear lipstick. Tomorrow night I'm meeting a friend I haven't seen in 10 years. I'm scared of how I'll present myself. I know who I am, but it's still a little scary.
I'm proud of who I am and who I've become.
I don't make captions anymore because it was just becoming too personal. I needed to step away from it and focus my energy elsewhere. I wish you and everyone else in the TG Caption community all the best. Hopefully our dreams come true.
I still have thoughts and ideas, and maybe one day I'll come back to captioning but for now I need to find me.
Thank you Dee for opening this topic.
Glad to see you've reappeared .. and hope that things will be better real soon!
DeleteIs this the Milla-Cintia-Amy-Brooke that was/is also Torry with the killer cheekbones? If so, missed you big time when you vanished since you are one of my sexy non-imaginary Canadian girlfriends! If not, I'm sure I know of you from somewhere. Glad to meet you!
And I understand why you'd step away. Real life has a way of intruding on our fantasies, and many times, we figure out that they aren't just superficial, but an integral part of who we are. Good luck on your journey, and you are always welcome here, or to email me .. so keep coming back sweetie!
That's fantastic news - thanks for sharing! Far too often friends just seem to disappear from the social media world, no warning, no explanation, and I always worry about worst case scenarios, especially when it's somebody you corresponded with regularly.
ReplyDeleteSo happy to hear Steffi is doing well, pursuing her true self, and slowly finding her way to happiness. That's the best case scenario, and one that makes me smile.
I know I've been somewhat lax in trying to contact many of my former friends here and on the Haven. Luckily a few have stayed around to at least drop in and post occasionally, like Caitlyn, and I talked to Steffie a little over a year ago. I haven't heard from Bren in quite some time, but at least she's posting all her old captions .. I was afraid that she had died as she had health issues back a number of years ago. I think I should see if I can get in touch with people like Erin, Petra, BimboJessica, and a few others. There are some people though that probably don't want to be found.
DeleteAs it is, I finally removed a few blogs in the right column because they hadn't posted in over 4 years! Emma Finn passed away 3 years ago, so I'm leaving it up because I think her stories on Amazon are still available.
Anyway, I am hoping some more people come out of the woodwork, even if it's just emailing me privately to tell me that they are OK. Fingers crossed!
Dear Dee, many of the blogs on your blog list are dead (or years old and not updated), but might you possibly consider adding mine to the mix? I am a relatively new captioner and would appreciate your support. No pressure, Dee, but if you might add me, I would be thrilled! My URL: https://karenflashes.blogspot.com/
DeleteCertainly! I have visited your blog quite a few times, and honestly, I thought I had already added it! Whoops!
DeleteAnd for the older blogs, some of them are/were dear friends, and I leave them there so that if they DO come back, they will be near the top of the list again, and I'll be able to see they came back! I did try to prune all the ones that are no longer there though!
And welcome to the Haven too! I saw your introduction post! Hopefully you can make some trading captions!
Thanks so much, Dee! I really appreciate your warm welcome. ^^ I can certainly understand about keeping dear blog friends on the list, hoping for the day when they will come back and pop right back to the top of the list with an update. I've done the same for a few friends of mine. Too often in the TG community, good folks vanish, yet we always hope the best for them and wish we'd be the first to welcome them back if/when they return. Guess that's why there's such a warm response when you got a reply from Steffi Marie, and the reactions here are truly heartwarming. ^_^
DeleteGreat to hear that Steffimarie is on her way to become who she is inside. While Steffi and I never really became friends, I always loved her captions, and her blog was the place where I stepped into the light of this community. True, it wasn't her intention, and without you and Elle-Jae Matthews (For me another blast of the past) I would probably have stepped back into the darkness of the lurkers. After that I was basically a fangirl on her blogs, alas without much interaction between us.
ReplyDeleteWhat I loved most of about her captions was the passion with which they were created, I always felt like her captions weren't just stories, but she shared her most vulnerable side with us
I've only made one caption for her, when I started capping I was quite insecure about my work, and knowing how she thought about capping set the bar pretty high for me. By the time I finally dared to cap her she was already in one of her purges. I still posted it, not knowing if she would ever read it. So when she came out of it a few years later I was thrilled when I got a positive comment from her.
Anyway, if Steffi wasn't who she was back then I wouldn't have reacted on a rant from her and wouldn't have gained you and a few others as dear friends. So I owe her my gratitude for that.
I wish Steffi all the best on her path to happines and that it may last forever when she finds it.
Wow. Now I've gotten a bit of the backstory on YOUR TG history! And also get to hear of other people I remember who have sort of vanished too. I pretty much have captioned ALL of them. Makes me wonder how many different people I've made captions for since I started. Got to be at least a few hundred I would think!
DeleteAnd thank you for putting into words what many people have thought about her and some of the others who have brought people out of their TG shells. Let's get everyone naked and vulnerable! Well, metaphorically at least!
Oh, I recall Steffi fondly - she was one of my favorites.. I just looked to see if I still had any emails.. found one from 2006... so long ago. I do hope she is doing well... I recall she was a German girl.
ReplyDeleteShe'd always be welcomed back, or just to post an archive. But she has so much to do on her journey.... bon voyage! Sounds like overall, it has been positive.
Sue, don't despair if you want to (or feel you need to) take that trip. I was talking to a friend earlier today who had her correction in her early 60s.
Wow! Almost 15 years ago! Where did the time go?!?
DeleteI can't say never, but I don't think she'd be making anything new, and since she even declined me posting a few of her old captions that she had made for me, I don't think there will be an archive either. I think the only way to find any of hers now is to possibly search for someone who archived them, or the 10 or so she posted to the Rachel's Haven back in 2017, mostly to raise money to keep the Haven going.
But at least we know she is doing OK, with life's ups and downs. And that you've been around our community for such a long time as well is to be commended!
I remember Steffi fondly and while I’m sad that she isn’t here capping and commenting with us any longer, I’m so overjoyed to hear that she’s moved on to focus on herself. I hope she continues to move in the right direction and that she finds true happiness soon.
ReplyDeleteI remember when she switched to Britney Shagwell and was commenting on my caps as if she were a new capper. When I found out it was here, for a little bit, I was upset with her, thinking she was playing a joke on me or maybe the community as a whole. But that’s where I learned about people going through their own metamorphosis, going through a change and coming back as someone new. While I didn’t change my name, I’ve certainly done that myself and I don’t know if I could have done that without Steffi’s example. Steffi and I talked privately for a bit and when she was still here and I didn’t truly appreciate those conversations until they were gone. Now I’d give quite a bit just to write casually with her and say ‘Hi’ like we used to.
As I accept more and more of myself, I find writing certain types of caps to be difficult and can understand why she has to step away completely. Writing the ‘ermaggod sexay’ type caps it feels like a slap in the face sometimes as it’s nowhere near what I want. Writing a ‘from the heart’ type cap it feels far to personal sometimes. When you share these with her, let her know I miss her but will respect her wishes to remain away from the community, and that I of course wish her nothing but the best in life!
Yeah. I know what you are talking about with the name change. There was no denying who she was, just by reading a few captions and the way she crafted them. It's one of the reasons I posted the caption I did at the top of the post. You could pretty much tell that it was from me, or someone that really wasn't into my work. But you pretty much hit it on the head about how people can grow and change. I'm much less evil than I used to be, or at least it comes in waves now!
DeleteAnd I've seen the evolution in you over the last 10 or so years too. How come it seems like I've mostly stayed the same and everyone else is getting older and wiser? Jeez! At least MY rut is nice and cozy!
You, Ms. Mentia, less "evil" than you used to be?! ^.^ What can I do except giggle? I'm not sure if on the whole members of our little online community are getting older and wiser, but I'd say _fuller_, in the sense of self-expression and self-exploration. Caitlyn is right about shifting identities making some things harder and opening up new avenues simultaneously. This is both a personal and community transformation, methinks. It wasn't all that long ago that some things that we now commonly see were deemed taboo or at least skirted around. Maybe it's the Internet culture that changes us subtly but surely. And we all fall into ruts from time to time; it's just that some ruts are more twistedly sensual than others. Oops, I'm mixing my puns! Undo, undo! ^_~
DeleteSo pleased to hear about Steffi-Marie. And even more pleased that she is moving toward being the best she can be. It's a tough road, but rewarding. And, well, yes, it's great that she's been in touch! Thank you for letting the rest of us know!
ReplyDeleteLook who popped in! Speaking of someone who goes away for a time!
DeleteI never mean to. But thank you for the welcome!
DeleteWow, this email and post of yours generated quite a response, Dee! That's such good news. I hope that you let Steffi Marie (Britney Shagwell) know about the outpouring of warmth and well wishes in what is February now, usually the coldest of months but warmed by the feelings of sisters and admirers who care and admire Steffi for being the beautiful, loving, and compassionate person that she was and is. May she walk her very own path, with confidence and joyful laughter.
ReplyDeleteCertainly hope so. I haven't pulled it all together yet, figuring I'll give people until Monday morning to get their comments in. Maybe people drop in here only once a week, even though my subliminal programming is supposed to get them here every few hours AND comment on every post. Maybe I need to tweak it a bit! Perhaps getting Pinky and the Brain to do the coding was a mistake, unless I start throwing "NARF!" into the posts more often.
Delete"Subliminal programming," eh? Now I know why I keep coming back to this site at least three times every waking day....Just kidding! I come back for your dee-lightful personality and sense of humor, which is so strangely lacking in the TG world. Levity, positivity, and self-confidence, those are the values we should promote in this community, as you do! ^.^
Delete