Thursday, May 23, 2019

So How Close to Real Can a TG Caption Be? You Tell Me!

Well, here's an exercise to help in creating a reality check! How far can it go?

Made this the other day, and I'm actually going to call it a meta caption as I think it's got quite a bit in common with current real-life Damien. Well, real life mixed in with fantasy. I'm sure people could pick out some of the more fantastic parts.

It mostly started because the model in the picture has certain features and style of dress and hairstyle that my daughter does, so it went without saying that she looks a fair amount like me .. and I just went with it full throttle. I need content for the next few weeks here, so why not expand the palate in the meantime? You'll see more varied captions here soon, trust me!

I have had to cut down on animal flesh and cut out alcohol from my diet, and my daughter is a pretty good cook when she's motivated to do so. It's been rough trying to replicate the taste of beef .. I can do it somewhat with lentils and black beans, and veggie burger technology has come a long way in the last few years, but it just doesn't quite cut it when you really want some prime rib or roast beef.

I do exercise, but it ends up like this. I start working out, feel good, push too hard, aggravate my bad knee (years of playing hockey and being a baseball catcher .. plus beach volleyball as an adult) it fills with fluid, they drain, I wait a bit .. then rinse and repeat. I've lost and gained the same 20 pounds over and over again!

And my portion control is horrendous, mostly due to all those starving kids in India and China. You know .. you can't leave the table until you have cleaned your plate! I go to a restaurant and feel bad if I don't finish, even if they tell you they are literally serving you 2 or 3 portions. I'll eat until I end up throwing up! And the GF doesn't help as she has the diet of a 12 year old boy who will only eat food that comes in nugget format.

Everything else is either true or not. Perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised at what is real! LOL So consider this caption a bit of an AMA .. limited time only! A peek inside Damien's world!

Blog exclusive so comment your brains out, and try the Vegan Bacon! It's horrendous because it's mostly seaweed and seitan (which is wheat gluten!) I am not sure how it's pronounced but I say it like SATAN .. as in "Can you get me another strip of SATAN'S ASSHOLE to put on my sandwich!"

God! All the forgotten memes! LEAVE BRITNY ALONE!


  1. I have been reading (or at least skimming...) your blog for a long time... never commented though. I did recently start writing my own caption stories though, and your title for this one especially caught my eye. Personally, I don't write realistic stories, but I will say that the irony is that I think that too many caption writers wouldn't believe what can be real and too often, their ideas about realism... are off in complicated ways. I don't know that I want to elaborate more in public though. None of this is meant as a criticism though - more just a meta comment - the truth is often stranger than fiction.

    1. First off, WELCOME! While I prefer people reading what I post, skimming is much better than being ignored! So glad you decided to comment!

      Having "met" many people in the TG and sissy scene, along with some in BDSM circles, over the years .. I can certainly understand the truth is stranger than fiction. Especially when it comes to people with positions of authority with strong jobs that come home and become Suzy Homemaker with heels and pearls, etc ..

      If you've read my stuff for awhile, I try to ground the captions in something that feels real, usually dialog between people or something to fixate upon, that hopefully renders whatever fantastical plot I've conjured up. I started very much in a magical realm, and as I've known more people that deal with trans issues in their actual lives, I've made more captions that hopefully handles their reality in a hopefully positive, humanistic way.

      I can understand you not wanting to elaborate in public, as this caption for me invites people behind my curtain a bit more than is comfortable. I will probably keep the entire write up thru Saturday night, then edit it down going forward. If you wish to chat more in an email, I will list it below this one for a few days, and then delete that comment as well so it doesn't get spammed. When I get a bit of time, I'll check out your work as I'm always looking for something new to view/read.

  2. While I do make sacrifices for my lifestyle I would never give up red meat or alcohol....I love a big juicy piece of dripping makes my mouth water....
    We used to go to Peter luger's Steakhouse in NYC if we were in town for a day or two....until we found another place that was just as good....maybe actually a little better....for a quarter of the price....I won't name them here for fear that they'd be overrun with transformed men and witches and the like!!!!
    I love to sit down wit a really good single malt scotch and just enjoy it slowly....then maybe have another.....just straight up.....what kind of heathen dilutes the golden nectar of the gods with water or ice!!!!
    Yes I would give up most anything to be a bridesmaid but some things are just asking too much!!!!
    AS far as Vegans and vegetarians go well....different strikes I guess....
    I've always believed there is a place for all god's's right next to the baked potato and creamed spinach!!!!

    1. Trust me, I would LOVE to eat lots of steak, burgers, etc .. as my body is rebelling against it. I had to give up alcohol too, especially beer. IF I could have unlimited amounts of one or the other, I would definitely take the meat. And therein lies why I'm mostly vegetarian now. I could probably have 2 oz of meat per day, but I would never be able to JUST eat that. So instead, I tend to have a small portion of 3-4 oz every 3rd week or so and hope for the best that my body doesn't yell back at me!

      ice or water? That's what whiskey stones are for!

      And god forbid I ever had to eat creamed spinach! I don't mind it raw in a salad, but it's horrid cooked!

  3. I see so much of myself in that as well. Best of intentions, and I do keep active, but I like my red meat, my carbs, and my sweets far too much. As for portion control, I guess I'm still battling that exact same parental guilt trip. You're not leaving the table until you clean your plate! There are starving kids in Africa! Blah blah blah. Thanks a lot, Mom. I've gotten better at home, but I still order way too much when we eat out.

    If there was a diet or a fitness regime that would get me in shape by making me feminine, I would sign up in a heartbeat. Seriously, I don't need to read the paperwork, I don't care about the side effects, just let's get this going. I already have the cute shorts, the sports bras, the yoga pants, and the pink accented sneakers, so what are we waiting for? :)

    1. Yeah, I think I would try to find a way to justify that diet too! "Look, I need to be healthy so I can live a long life with my loved ones. I'll still be me, just with tits and really sexy legs!"

      My problem is not only am I not eating much meat, what I'm allowed to consume is heavily into the carb realm, so it's a complete BITCH to lose weight.

  4. Vegan bacon? you should get to pay for it with counterfeit money, it's counterfeit bacon.

    Vegetables? They aren't food, they are what food eats. Wedidn't climb to the top of the food chain to eat tofu.

    1. the actual closest thing to bacon I've had are these seaweed sheets that when you fry them, give the texture and aromatics of bacon. I've had it once, and they are at least better than baco's bacon bits.

      Trust me, I'm not doing this for some ethical reason with animals. Hell, I believe that if people want to eat horse meat and dog meat, go for it. We have too many animals put down because people won't care for them. If there's a market for it, let them buy and consume it. Just because some animals are cuter than others doesn't mean we can't eat them!