It was a dark and stormy night. Or was it? I cannot recall it honestly.

Anyway, a voice said to me, "Dee? Sweetie Pie? Shouldn't you enslave the men of this world into the divine pleasures of femininity?"

That was awhile ago, and sure enough, it began to happen .. on Rachel's Haven. Then I started up this crappy blog in 2010. Enjoy!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Ask a Mistress .. Christmas Edition!

Formerly a Haven Quarterly exclusive! (please click on picture to enter the blog post!)

Wrote this at the end of December in 2011 and it was published in the February edition of the Haven Quarterly. Figured I would post it here since it does deal with Christmas as a topic.

I am not quite sure who wrote this question to "Letters to a Mistress" but I assume it was either Steffie of Jennifer, and they are such delightful queries that you can let your imagination go wild.

As you may have noticed, I am not quite up to writing full length fiction stories, as my ideas come out in bite sized pieces, so this is about as long-winded as I can get. I might try a real TG fiction story in 2014, but I will really have to work hard to get over 2 or 3 thousand words!

So, here we go!
Dear Mistress,
I’m not sure if you can help me. You see, there seems to be some mix up with my Christmas wish. As I slipped into my bed on Christmas Eve I looked toward the heavens and asked the powers that be to please make the coming year less lonely for me. What I wanted most was to have someone to share my life with. The following morning I awoke to find that my pajamas no longer fit. The bottoms hung loosely from my hips and the cuffs dragged on the floor. My top, on the other hand, was stretched tight. In short, I was now a girl! I’m terrified by my sudden transition. I have no idea how to act or dress. No matter what I wear, men watch me as I walk by. Some even whistle or proposition me. This New Years Eve I had ten guys who wanted to take me out and I reluctantly agreed to go with one of them but all he wanted to do was kiss and feel me up. I honestly don’t think I’m that kind of girl! There’s no way I can talk to my friends or family about this. Any advice you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

Hoping you can help,
Transformed in Tampa
I am going to let you in on a little secret, Sweetie. In some capacity, I deal with many shady minions, including that Harley Davidson enthusiast, Santa Claus. Did you really think he’s all sweet and innocent, even though he looks like a deadhead? Real badass that dude is, except on Christmas Eve .. that is his big night to spread joy and cheer to those unfortunate ones that don’t have a reason to celebrate. Most people don’t get to see him in action, since he only helps those that truly need something special. And, hey, with all the debauchery he gets into the rest of the year, it balances things out. I mean, that freak parties with midgets constantly!

Anyway, I know this because I was in a hot tub with him and the Easter Bunny on Boxing Day, and we are all trying to one up each other with tales of drunken nights, reindeer games tainted by steroid use, and such when Der Kringle busts out this story about one of the last stops this year. Apparently, Big Red (trust me!) mentions that he’s blitzed from all the egg nog he’s been drinking, when he hears this plea from some sad sack looking for someone to share his life, blah blah blah. Santa has a job to do, but he remembers that he owed Cupid a solid. What’d I tell you, that guy is crazy mad about little people! Anyway, he gets on his cell phone and sets up a deal with the angel baby to help some chick with no self esteem that really needs a boost, and Santa gets to have some jollies at your house before he dash away, dash away, dash away home!

Anyway, long story already too long (I found out I’m allergic to friggin' rabbits!) Santa Baby figured that you two should REALLY share your lives together. You think YOU had it bad? How about that former girl, waking up with a raging boner for Christmas?!?

Don’t fret though. Apparently you two are supposed to meet at some time during Valentine’s Day and fall madly in lust .. Happily ever after and all that crap. Well, as happily as you can be being led by your destined Master on a leash. Speaking of which, My Pet Store will be having a 25 percent sale on all leather items on February 14, so just mention this ad and I’m sure someone can give you a proper fitting.

Oh yeah .. you’ll be hanging another little stocking on the chimney mantle next Christmas, since your future hubby has quite fertile chestnuts!

Mistress Dementia

Thought I would post this as its quite surreal to say the least, but hopefully worth a chuckle or two!

I'll be back for something tomorrow night (aka Christmas Eve) and possibly Christmas night as well.


  1. thanks for this jolly tale and caption I am going to hide my jack Daniel's from Santa now just in case.

  2. Dear Dee,

    Merry Christmas sweetie. I hope Santa brings you everything you want. And a few other things as well.

    Kiss kiss,