How separate are your personas?
My name in real life isn't Caitlyn. In all honesty my real life name isn't Calvin either, although Calvin IS my middle name. While it isn't my real name, Calvin does represent me as I see myself. He is as close to me as you can get online.
Caitlyn isn't me, but she is a part of me. Before I came to the Haven, she was always there, but she wasn't well defined, or even named. She was just the feminine part of me.
So while Caitlyn will forever be a part of me, she is getting her own voice. A voice that is separate from mine. And before anyone gets concerned, I don't believe this is any type of personality disorder (although I am not a trained psychologist or psychotherapist, so I really wouldn't know). I am fully aware of Caitlyn, and accept that Caitlyn is a part of me. The same is true when I am Caitlyn... she is aware of me, and accepts that she is only a part of me.
Do other people feel this way? Is Dee separate from Damien, or are you truly Dee?
I edited it down a bit from the complete posting, which you can see in the Open Thread discussion in the “Even Bimbos Can Use These!” comment section. I mostly edited because of space issues, not because of lack of interesting discussion. In fact, please read her entire comment first, then come back here and read what I have to say.
There is a reason why I have both Dee and Dee Dee listed in my preferences, as well as Dementia, in addition to Damien. I will quickly break them down as follows:
Dee is pretty much the female version of Damien. Usually in chat, in comments, and any other sort of correspondence I do .. it is Dee that you are talking to. Dee is probably a bit more pleasant than Damien, especially now that I am an admin at the Haven, but what you see is what you get.
Dee Dee is the “bimbo submissive” type that was invented mostly for captions to start. I enjoy reading bimbo type captions, but it was a bit jarring to see the name Dee attached to them, since as you’ve seen above … Dee = female Damien. Separating the two was good because it can be a fantasy thing. Since the time when I created her, I can occasionally find myself in the Deedee mindset, but usually it takes either heavy sedation or intense stress to make that side come out. Sometimes I can do it with my imagination, but it is quite hard to do.
Dementia is more for when I am in Mistress mode, and when creating certain captions for others. Damien and Dee tend to view people as equals, and even though I am often in control, I don’t tend to hold it over people. Dementia however, can be as cruel as needed, and once again, it is more of a character designed to keep Dee and Damien as close to myself as possible. There is quite a bit of me *IN* Dementia, but I wouldn’t want to fuck with her. She is Dee in bitch mode, with an attitude, though protective of her little ones under her control. She's such a good character, that its enjoyable to see captioneers use me when they make captions for others.
Long story still longish .. All of the personas are me, but only Damien and Dee truly approximate who I am in real life. Of course there are overlaps, and I have used Dee instead of Dementia, and in captions that people make for me, sometimes I am called Dee when probably Deedee should've been used, but it isn't as big a deal to me as it used to be.
If any of what I've said here needs clarification, or if I missed something, let me know and I'll certainly follow up in the comments.
DISCUSSION QUESTION: How much of the real you is in your persona? Do you have multiple personas and how do you reconcile them? If you wish to respond to Caitlyn, post in the open discussion listed above. Respond to my stuff here in this posting.