Nailed .. Again?

Yes, I've made a new caption. I need to get back into a routine .. even though I don't want a new one.

Done with funeral travel and funeral, and also a celebration of life at her work. I am safe, in case anyone was wondering. Sound is a different story, but that will take some time.

I need to get some new parts to my whole routine .. again. I'm so used to weekends with the girlfriend; texting her in the morning to wish her a happy day; shopping for things she enjoyed eating, or wearing, or whatever; calling her to tuck her in over the phone when it was time for her to go to bed.

I was happy .. again. Being in a meaningful relationship, enjoying the fun of going out and having a blast at the beach, or a haunted attraction, or a picnic .. or just hanging around the house watching a Gordon Ramsey outburst, or Zak Bagans making Aaron go into a haunted basement by himself to get freaked out .. or even better .. just laying in bed, naked, touching each other gently over and over again, without a care in the world. Those are moments I cherish, and wish would never end.

Now it's falling back into the routines of mourning I wanted to forget, to never have to deal with again. They are familiar, but they are not comforting. I will survive, but for a little while, I was actually thriving. Perhaps I will again someday .. but this happening to me, AGAIN, will linger in my mind .. and I'll have to fight the protective mode of never wanting to feel like this ever again.

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Made this on Friday, the first caption since she passed. I have since made another, which is definitely more of a quickie .. plus I have a few that aren't quite completed that I started back before she died. Not sure I'll complete them, but fingers are crossed. It can be therapeutic to be creative in times of grief.

And there are bits of real life in this caption. My girlfriend, like my forever person, was a Wiccan, and her one way of spoiling herself was to get mani-pedis every other Saturday morning, and it'd be a surprise as to what color she'd be sporting when she came over later that afternoon. 

She also loved to dress up for me, so I'd often sit in the boyfriend chair while she tried on dresses or whatever else she'd drag to the dressing room. I can remember just a week before she died, we went into a Marshalls and there was this gorgeous dress she tried on, and it'd have been perfect of Passover with her family, and also Easter with my family. But it was 40 dollars and we were both broke. The plan was to wait until the next paycheck and hunt another one down .. and I would have hit every Marshalls in a 60 mile radius to make sure she would look beautiful on those days, not that she wasn't usually quite attractive. I can still picture her in that outfit, asking me how she looked. She KNEW it was stunning, but wanted to hear it from me, and I told her how ravishing she was, and how proud I was to have her as my arm candy. 

I wanted to talk about the caption, but honestly, I have no idea what to even say about it. Feel free to mention it in the comments. Ok, here's something .. I love captions where the protagonist is just on the edge of awareness as to the extent of his situation, and I definitely leaned into that here. 

Thank you for indulging me about what I'm going through right now .. and that isn't even all the stuff I'm dealing with right at the moment .. but as I get used to another "new normal", there will be less mourning, and hopefully a bit more joy to share with all of you.

We are getting at LEAST a foot of snow and probably closer to 2+ feet of snow tonight and tomorrow with blizzard conditions. Anyone else out there in this stuff .. please stay safe!