Monday, May 9, 2011
Our Wives Are Now Lesbians ?!?
Since I've mentioned that I have really enjoyed my recent output of captions quality wise, I figured that I would post something that I enjoyed but would probably have liked even more if I had held back and tightened it up some.
I love the plot, and I wouldn't change anything with it. The guys that are clueless to what is happening to themselves, but seeing how girly the other is ... something about that just really appeals to me, plus from the looks of it, they've been under control for quite a while now which gives a great back story to the whole thing.
From there, it moves along as a brisk pace, and you can follow along fairly nicely .. That Debra's wife was probably the one that came up with the plan to feminize the guys, since she's a bit further along. It also seems to imply that the wives did this so that (1) it would soften the blow to the two originally macho guys, and (2) keep the marriages thriving, and perhaps even saving them.
That there is a happy ending to the caption, although not officially stated, is also a good thing and lends a positivity that isn't always there in TG stories. The picture fits the storyline, with some excessive makeup and the posturing, which could be the culmination of the sissy programming the two guys have been through.
My problems lie with everything above the last two paragraphs. Those are well written and sum up the caption nicely. I'm not sure if I wrote that stuff first. Its entirely possible since I've done that before and worked backwards. Actually, I don't mind the second half of the paragraph before, which leads to the last two paragraphs.
The 1st half of the dialog in this caption just doesn't seem quite right, and I still can't quite put a finger on it. I definitely think it could be tightened up and have all the words spoken weigh more, story wise. Or maybe that the conversation seems more "stage directed" than something that would be said in a normal conversation. I mean, it isn't as bad as a radio commercial ("Your basement is so clean Marge, how'd you do it?" "Acme Basement Management." "Acme Basement Management?" "Yes! Acme Basement Management. Those guys at Acme Basement Management really knew what they were doing." "Well, I guess its Acme Basement Management for me .. what's that number?" etc. ...)
The main reason I'm bringing this up is that even with all the parts lined up and ready to go for an well-done caption, sometimes the pieces don't add up to 100 percent. In my opinion, I had a wonderful premise, strong graphic, and a killer ending/stinger. Somehow, it still didn't work for me.
DISCUSSION QUESTION: How do you feel about the above caption? Do you agree with my synopsis, or do you think I'm being too hard on the caption? Or that I'm wrong in thinking the elements I had were as great as I think they are? Any ideas on how I should have attacked the first half of the text?